Addictions

I have finally come to understand the concept of an 'addiction'. I never,or rather, refused to believed that you could let something take total control of you, wholly consume your mind and actions. Maybe that's because I have always been in control of mine. At least I thought I was.

The truth is, I tend to suppress or not address issues that deserve some thought. I rather adopt the 'I'll sit back and wait' attitude, than to be assertive of my wants and desires. But when things cross the line my sanity sets,I'd begin grappling for balance. Then I'd look desperately for long overdue solutions...in it's most obvious meaning.Long overdue. What's left to do then, is to let go and not succumb to the strong nudgings of the 'I'm-a-poor-helpless-victim-of-circumstances' feeling that pulls you down.

Of all the addictions that I've witnessed, felt remotely or read about, I think the greatest danger is posed to an individual who's addicted to another.

You spend your waking hours thinking about him, you dress how you think he'd want you to,do your hair in the same manner, act and think how he'd want you to, stare at the phone for that personalised ring tone to bring it to life. You say, "It makes him happy".

And you?
How do you go about compromising your self worth, your interests and dignity, just so you're defined by your partner's?When things don't work out, and you finally bring yourself out of the depths of your despair, you move on and mould yourself into the ideals of the next loverboy. At the end of it all, you'll just end up perceived a spineless doormat.

How will you ever appreciate your background, you experiences, your beliefs and upbringing? How will you ever appreciate you,and the uniqueness that sets you apart?

I will not deny that I haven't been in similar situations before, I have. To a certain degree. It's really hard walking away, especially when you've spent so much time getting to know him, trying to give him his 'space', letting him be, trying to make him happy but all to no avail. You're not getting the results you desire. He's still playing games. He's still not coming around. Another SYT walks in and takes over in a jiffy. What do you do next?

As much as you feel that the noble thing to do is to 'be his friend till the end,come what may', if you can't do it, don't. You'll only end up worse than you already are.

Draw the line. Don't drop him off immediately, but let it go lightly. what used to be endless conversations over enough teh-tariks to feed China, bring it over a brief dinner. Give excuses that you're busy..whatever, he'll get the idea..Lay off for a while, let things cool n then come around later. If he really treasured what you had, he'll understand..(yeah, there are some men like that still these days..and I hope I'm not speaking too soon :) )

I'm not advocating severing ties just because you don't get what you want. But in reality, there're 2 sets of people, one that can say "To hell" and move on while keeping the 'friendship', and the other who'd sit and moan about what went wrong, where. The latter are the ones I'm advocating this to. Like it or not, this is the most probable measure to salvage whatever that's left of your groundings.

One day, you might laugh it off, only to realise that you're back in the same situation, only different leads. You may ask, "Why is this always happening to me? How many times more must it take before things work out for me?"
It's okay to wallow in self pity, but get this...the answer is limitless.
Some have it easier than others, but if you're acceptant of the truth, it's easier to love yourself and hence easier to find that elusive happiness.

In Loving Memory

If there's a person I dearly miss, it'd be the man who lived in our British styled government quarters for some time during his bachelor days. Appa's good friend, I used to call him Uncle Doctor.Up till I was about 10 I believed that was his first name,Doctor.

He took the room right at the back, and I remember my grandmother not being happy, because my parents were considered newly-weds and it wouldn't look nice, him living with us.
I used to peer through the windows every evening, waiting to see him walk down that small hill home from the hospital.

I was his little angel, his precious..that's what he used to call me. whenever I got in trouble with my folks, he took my side. Whenever I hurt myself,he'd sit me on his lap and dab the grazes and wounds with ointments from our first aid box.I remember staying up late during the days that he was 'on call' and missing him terribly whenever he 'balik-ed kampung'. Only he could pacify me from wailing like an unruly gremlin, and make me eat the disgusting phlegm-like porridge my mum used to try shoving down my throat.

On the day he got married, I sat on his lap during the entire lunch at the temple and was in practically every possible picture. The wedding reception was in our house, and I felt very important because Harpreet and I were elected (more like, self-appointed) to be the 'flowergirls'. We joined hands with the new couple when they cut their cake, after feeding his bride, he leant over and fed me my favourite part, the icing flowers of the cake. Yes, I was spoilt. Couldn't help being an adorable kid...

He moved out and went on to have three kids, I went through a minor depression episode for a while; that's how much I was attached to him. He did visit us regularly, but it wasn't the same coz he had his own kids to tend to and pamper. Felt a lil jealousy creeping in..but they were really nice kids, though the son was much of a terror...
They all had Russian names that he fell in love with while he did his medical degree in Russia.

Uncle Doctor loved spicy food, he taught me how to appreciate the same. He could like, munch on an entire cili padi,just like that..and me being a spicy food-virgin at that time used to be pretty amazed, and thought the world of him coz of that.

Soon he began to realise that he couldn't hold much pedas-ness anymore, it gave him bad tummy aches and caused serious pains. After many trips to the hospital, each doctor-friend of his dismissing it as 'somthing that was probably nothing', he performed a few tests on himself and finally diagonsed himself with colon cancer.

It had been a good number of years since I saw him (we moved to Klang,he to KKB), when my dad told me to get myself ready, we were to go to visit him. My parents refused to disclose the reason of his admittance, said they didn't know themselves.

What I saw when I entered that cold, sombre room of his will forever be etched in my mind. Lying there, he was motionless and could afford only a smile. That smile that made me a happy child. That smile he used to flash when I paraded my new frocks to him. I was by his side only for a while, but long enough for him to tell me that I'd grown, and how much he missed me, and what a darling child I was. I remember his son walking in; he smiled and greeted us politely, that former terror.
Uncle doctor said that he'd changed tremendously upon leaning about his dad's sickness,upon learning that him,being the only son, had to somewhat 'grow up' faster and take care of the others.I had to excuse myself to welcome the overwhelming emotions.

My parents went on to visit him a couple of times after that, and I'd refuse to follow, being selfish and only thinking about the pain I'd feel seeing him helpless. I forgot that the man who put everything and everyone before him felt it many times over, and in infinite plentifolds.

I wasn't allowed to go for the funeral service, only the prayers, days after.

Surreal, that was what it was. One moment you see life, the next you see it slowly crawling away, taking with it dreams and hopes, leaving uncertainties and needless pain.

Its been about 8 or 9 years since..and I still miss his tremendously...

A Malaysian Defined

Here are 20 simple ways to tell if you're a Malaysian..

1. You don't stand on the left and allow others to pass when you're using an escalator

2.You call everyone 'Boss'

3.You think it's okay to quietly ease your way into a queue...and then say 'oops, sorry ah...didn't know you were in the line' when the person behind taps you sharply.

4.You're mildly racist.

5.You're intrigued by the tallest 'Roti Tisu' and the 'Longest Pohpiah.

6.You'd purposely look for the 'Untuk Warga Istimewa' seats on the LRT and plonk your asses there.

7.It's against your principles to flush public toilets.
Then you write to the newspapers, bitching about how filthy they are.

8.You dig deep in your purse for one cent coints to give to the toll lady and the cashier in McDonalds.

9.Your mission in life is to do stupid stunts to get your name in the Malaysian Book Of Records.

10.You think your organization's Piagam Pelanggan is the Pelanggan's Piagam.

11.You want everything to be 'tarik-ed'

12.You think KLCC and Putrajaya were good investments.

13.You think anything Western is a threat to National Security.
Yet you study there, holiday there,ape and adore whites(so putih gebu, what).

14.You claim that you're all for inter-racial unions, but disown your child when he brings home an alien coloured future bride.

15.You think that your Ministers are human manifestations of Divine Powers, and are incapable of anything ungodly.
No? Explain why Samy is still up there?

16.You dig coffee breaks and the highlight of every meeting is what's under the food cover.

17.You never empty your trays at fastfood restaurants, don't say 'excuse me' and you make those 'rat noises' when you want to call the waiter.

18.You charge into trains/LRTs like a cow that's just seen red. To hell with those who need to alight.

19.You take great joy in letting everyone around you follow your telephone conversations. Makes you feel important and gives you a sense of worthiness..

20.You make countless trips to your son's school to 'uphold justice'.
Nevermind that he's a tyrant and a bully, no one messes with your family's honor.

100 Crappings From Yours Truly;Vol 3

Finally reached 100...

76.I get along really well with the Indon kakaks who work as domestic
helpers at relatives and friends homes. I can even do their accent
remarkably well.
All of those I've known are such darlings and its so rare
that people give two hoots bout their lives. I'd ask them nosy
questions:if they're married, how many kids do they have, are they
happy...I should go into Social Service, don't you think? :)

77.Rude employers who make their maids sit on separate tables when they're
out having lunch at shopping malls...Detest them!
You can't take care of your own kids, the least you can do is respect the
person who does. I've seen some couples who'd be blissfully walking while
the poor maid struggles to keep up,pushing the pram behind them, trying to
pacify the troll...

78.You'll never ever,ever find me with a twisted bra strap. And if I
notice yours is, I'd tell you. Coz if I don't, it'll always be at the back
of my mind.

79.I'm not a perfectionist, but I've got issues with badly alligned wall
frames.Whenever I go carolling, I tend to adjust all the senget photo
frames at the houses where we carol.

80.I hate bad mannered children. When I hear wailing children, I have
this vision of grabbing both their legs and slamming them a few times
against the wall.

81.I CANNOT stand filthy toilets.I mean, this is the place you get
cleaned, how can clumps of hair and mouldy tiles be tolerated?What gives,
man?

82. Mossy, black rimmed Chilli and Ketchup bottles are a no-no.

83. I have to wash dirty dishes left in the sink. I can't pretend they're
arent there. It eats at my conscience, and I hear faint voices
chanting, "Wash the dishes. There're only 13 greasy plates,9 forks and a
couple of lippie-stained mugs.Wash the dishes."

84. I have taken the bus to Central Market just to listen to those Malay
guitarists play and sing along the pavements and sidewalks.
Before you
judge me off as a looney, they're really good!! And they do requests :)
I'd almost always come back rm10 poorer.

85.I'm sappy.I cry easily.
At movies(especially Hallmark types), upon hearing songs (like Butterfly Kisses).
I see a kid telling his mom that he loves her, and I choke.
It's frustrating, really..at times. Especially when you have a sister who
stares intently at you when you're watching one of those heart wrenching
Oprah episodes..and then bursts out laughing when tears begin to roll down
you're cheek.
Or friends who go like,"What? You cried watching Lord of the
Rings?And Finding Nemo?And The Incredibles??"
Yeah, I did, damn it..I did!
So??
Can't even let me cry in peace...

86.I currently have a thought in my head that I'm trying to get to leave
the realms of my imagination. Can't seem to get past the hour without
thinking about it at least once, though...

87. I had my first fast food meal when I was 11. Pardon me lah, I was a
small town girl, and KFC only came there then. Had a massive food
poisoning episode after that and till this very day I hate KFC, and that
distinct smell that you get at their outlets.
Makes me wanna throw up all
over again.
Should have just stuck to my ulam and jungle berries..

89. When I was in F5, I wanted to be a psychologist. My parents pooh-ed
those dreams away. Said only psychos themselves get into that line. Kinda
got me down for a while. Always, always be careful with what you say to
your children.

90. I was a pengawas all throughout primary school. I used to make the
last class hantus stand on their chairs and threaten them with the roti
panjang. Teachers were always on my side. They really were devils and
lived to torment my life.
Oh, and one of the fondest memories was being put in charge of the RMT
(Rancangan Makanan Tambahan) Program...Guess who got the leftovers??Ha Ha.They should have realised they made the wrong choice when they saw my
size. Oh well, I'm not complaining!

91.I hate elevators coz I'm mildly claustrophobic. Put me through one of
those MRI scanners and watch me freak for dear life..

92.I miss my babysitter. Yardley talcumn reminds me of her, so do old
sewing machines, and those old fashioned, rounded mirrors that sit on
tables (the ones with the gambar pemandangan indah at the back). She used to sit me on the floor and make me have my lunch, lapik-ed with old
newspaper..by the time I'm done with the sothy- soaked rice and fried fish
(yum yum), my bum would already have been black from the ink off the
newspaper...those good old days...*sigh*

93.Being caught in a huge jam on a rainy day with someone you love and can
talk endlessly to, with Light and Easy playing in the background go really
well together.. Ok, Anu..dont start jiwang-ing now.

94.I can be pretty harsh when I set my mind to it. Go ask Mai Yin and
Jo...or my victims..:)

95."Don't go looking for what you want, if it's good for you,it'll find
its way to you"...someone texted that to me a couple of days ago.
I didn't like what it did to me the rest of the day.

96. I've got a big problem with Christians who are out to preach and
convert the world, and those who believe that there is no place in heaven
for 'non-believers'...
These are the same kay poh people who would go for evening walks in big
groups, gossiping and spreading untruths about others..

97.I'm Indian...and I love every bit of it.
Yeah, I might occasionally kutuk the karats and the ammani's. Some of the silly beliefs and
superstitions.But hey, it takes many kinds to make the world go round,
doesn't it? It's all about embracing. I can't, and don't want to imagine being born anything
else.

98.I still have a folder containing emails from a deceased friend. We
wrote to each other almost every day while I was holidaying in Australia.
It's been a good 4 years since. It just feels as if she's gone some place
for a while and reading through the mails sorta keeps the memories
'alive', of the days of being queens in an all boy school.

99. I don't want my parents to grow old. It's scary. And it doesn't help
when you see your dad's tummy isn't as prosperous as it used to be.
When his misai is almost wholly grey.
When your mom asks you to help her with the hair dye-ing job and you
notice that half her head is white.
When she starts understanding your language and talking to you about the L word. The 2 L words, actually. LIFE and LOVE.
When they evolve from incompetently-affectionate to shockingly affectionate with
age...

100. I talk, think and muse too much. One day its gonna prove detrimental.

My Milkshake

Maya once told me that a girl should never dance to this song. I'm sorry girl, I backed on what I agreed.I couldn't help it, it caught on to me! And besides, with a pair like mine, I have to be an advocate..no?

Mine has always been subject of conversations.
"Anu who? The one with the boobs?"
"Guys are only after her for her boobs, nothing else"
"I feel like I'm talking to your boobs,man. They're like, so in my face!"

Then raise your head, you nitwit!Wont cause you any spinal injuries!I cant bring mine lower now, can I?

This is a new one...I shouldn't be worried about airbags when I need to purchase a car, coz I've got my own. (Okla, I'll admit it's funny.ONCE!)

If my closest-to-heart buddies had feelings, I'm sure they'd be irreversibly hurt.

No one understands my sad plight.
Girlfriends express their envy ("Anu, give me one also enough d" they'd say.)
Guy friends say its a gift ( you know what would be a gift? A watch!That's a gift)
They seem to think having huge ones is all rosy. Well ignorant ones, they're not. They attract unnecessary attention.

Come 20 years from now, I have to deal with backaches and sagging boobies, no one's gonna be envious then. Forget 20 years from now, it's so hard to like get a proper bra in this damned country today.
Every god damned thing is tailored for the flat chested, hipless lian-next-door. Doesn't help when the saleslady looks at yours as an impossible mission.

I hate squeezing through crowds. Not only have I to worry about my behind grazing against somebody, I have to think about the helpless ones in front.Even I were to be fondled, it's hard to accuse the culprit coz he could get away by crying self defense!

Now, there are only 3 reasons to be grateful for this bust:
1)They create an illusion that my waist is smaller than what it is.
2)It hides my tummy a little.
2)I'm gonna have healthy babies.

You know what would be nice? To donate one to charity, and bahagi the other into 2...there..simple maths and it'd be just fine. You wont hear me bitching about it no more..
Sometimes I forget that I'm not anonymous.

When You Fail

What do you do when someone you've known all your life attempts to take her life?
Do you hold her while she cries?
Do you voice out your condescending thoughts on how stupid and selfish her actions were?
Or do you just quietly sit on the sidelines, pray and hope for a divine intervention so that you dont have to be responsible for the advice you give, should it be inappropriate?
A rude shock, that's what yesterday was.

I've spent almost my whole life bitching about human beings and their silly ways of reacting to what life throws their way..heck, even this blog is largely dedicated to 'appreciating' things stupid people do.

So, when I found out one of the people I'm supposed to have set an example for, supposed to have inspired and supposed to have 'guided', so to speak, threatened her own life, I couldn't help but feel like I've somehow failed her.
Where was I when she was lost?
Where was I when she needed a ear?
Where was I when she needed me to lift her head,push her shoulders up, to tell her everything will be alright, that things could have been worse?
Where was I?
Caught up in my own world, thats where I was..
I guess it wasn't only her who was selfish..

After the initial spasms of anger subsided,this well of mine released its tears.
How could I stay mad for long anyway?
The people in the LRT probably thought I'd lost it, the way they were staring at me, huddled at the end of the train, all dressed up,wiping the streaming tears with the back of my hand, attracting unnecessary attention and trying hard not to think of the consequences of the situation.

Looking at her hovering over the bucket, tugging at the IV drip tube, every organ contracted, tears flowing freely while groaning and grimacing in pain trying to throw up something that isn't even there, I had to take a reality check. I had to let the anger pass and delve into the underlying issues that surrounded her 'surreal'ity of it all.

There has to be a lesson learnt.

Doing Something Useful With My Days

Now I cant bitch about how bored I am, how useless I feel, and how time is passing so slowly...
Coz I've got a job!
At the National Kiwanis Centre. A real huge colourful building in the middle of the ss23 housing area.

Pretty cool, I must say.

The children here are so adorable;their ages range from lil babies to 6 years..They're happy going about playing their own games, oblivious to the fact that they're less able. But you know, sometimes it's better being that way....especially after you've seen the way these morons we call normal beings live their selfish lives...

Well, the job entails manning their library and doing their newsletters, a lil bit of PR...but it's just gonna be a month thingy..
I've got this whole big library to myself, and my own pc with INTERNET CONNECTION!!thats all I need,baby..
Since its also a toy library..i get to play,wohoo!They've got these block block games..hehheI'm so excited. They also have a music room here, pretty well equipped but no one uses it coz none of the teachers here are musically inclined. I hit the high when I saw the organ there, but then big boss said it was spoilt. Anti climax!
There's a guitar there too, but too bad I cant strum for nuts.

I think I'm gonna like this...:)

Fragility

I remember looking forward to the day when I'd be finished with my degree, done with being at the mercy of lecturers that seem to have cactuses stuck up their asses, through with deluded people who just didn't give two hoots about things that happened outside the comfort of their pseudo cocoons.
Ironically though, all this kinda added colour to my days in Penang.
Speaking of Penang, it's time I stop living in the past and move on...
Let these waves wash me whevever it wants to...

Nevertheless, I know I'm gonna miss the friendly faces in Pelita, taking an HOUR by bus to and from church every weekend, the smiling thosai aunty, the ever-so-sweet belacan rice aunty(who'd diligently pack extra packets of chilli upon seeing me), the guards at the apartments( I wouldnt balme them if they thought we were easy chicks,judging by the number of guys that pick us up and come up to the apartment..heheh)
The motor shop uncle who'd always know my order even before I open my mouth, the whistling barbershop machans, Abang Din, the Chap Fan at SS(rice,assam fish gravy, jap tauhu, french beans and baby kailan)...
some of the many things that added variety to the routined days....

I've been told to stop doing things to please people and start living my life the way I want to. And I argued that when you want something, it's only natural to go all the way...and he said,"True, but you go out of the way!"
I guess I do, in certain ways, when it concerns certain people, and certain circumstances...
Maybe it's a defense mechanism...you know like, if I screw up, then people may decide to overlook it and focus instead on all the nice things I've done,some sorta distraction from my shortcomings...a sheild..
But before you go like,"wait a minute"...I'll tell you this, dont doubt my sincerity...

But I believe that there are many sides of me...the uptight me, the funny me, the mother me, the caretaker me, the bitchy me, the real mean me, the shy me...etc. etc...
Everyone has their multiple faces, I guess...but it's so hard to define the 'set bertindih'..
I don't know myself, and ain't that sad...the one person who should know you,doesn't quite do..

I've always believed that when it comes to relationships, you gotta be honest.
I remember telling Mai Yin, "You know, if you really do like him, you should tell him...coz he's got a right to know. It's only fair that you do.This whole thing involves the both of you..and this stupid hide and seek game is exactly that, stupid".

I took my own advice and it killed a friendship. I'm not gonna do the same thing again. Not for a while at least.
Now I know better than to offer my advice on matters that should just be left to Big Bro and Thelma.
Today, knowing that there's someone who fits my puzzle really well...not just fitting it, but revealing a breathtaking picture, I cannot bring myself to jeopardize it again. Too much to lose..
Like I told Jo yesterday...it's the story of my life..same ol',same ol'...
By now, I should've mastered this..
You like someone, You think he feels the same, you open your eyes after the first pangs of excitement pass only to see boulders in your way. Parents, a third party, or you being the third party, his issues, yours, religion, commitment problems, the list seem endless. And when you think you've tackled one, another crops up, teasing your sanity.

People tell you things like,"Dont worry, the right one will come along, and everything won't be the same again".
Then I'd feel like yelling,"The right one is HERE,damn it! And hell yeah, things aren't the same..but it's not moving, you idiot!"
Before you think I'm hadap for a partner right now, I'll clarify that I'm not. It may not sound convincing, but its true. It's just sickening that you know he's right for you, but the timing isn't right, so are the given conditions. If you can 'cop' the person for the time being..that'll suffice...
Am I even making sense here?
Maybe this will be a day that takes into account the quota of days I'm allowed to crap and be stupid...

Whatever it is, relationships are just too fragile, and it's not for the sensitive ones, coz it's a hardy's world out there.
Stupid jiwang weather isn't helping. I need to cuddle up, a hug would be a plus...

From Taren With Love

Here are Taren' answers to some questions I put forth to her....
In memoriam of Penang...

1. What's my name?
Anucia Elizabeth Chako @ SLUT ...=p

2. Where did we meet?
Oh god...i wud remember this day forever..this is where the mistake happened hahhha in the usm bus

3. What is my middle name?
Lizzie...elizabeth

4. How long have you known me?
-forever...abt 3 years now

5. How well do you know me? In a scale of 1-10
4

6. Do I smoke?
Dont u dare

7. Do I believe in God?
Yes at times u do belief in his humanly manifestations too ...=p

8. When you first saw me, what was your impression?(in detail)
Nice,homely..remember this was way baq then

9. My age?
200...22 goin 23

10. Birthday?22 nov..wude u leme forget

11. Hair Color?
frm chunku brown to normal blackish with hints of dark brown

12. Eye color?
dark brown almost blackish

13. Hate me?
Not yet...heheheheh hopefuly never will

14. What's one of my favorite things to do?
-irritate my life...surf...talk..sing..unwind with ur keyboard..eat ?

15. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you?
im nice...=p>

16. What's my favorite type of music?
anything that i dont like...some knocking perhaps.

17. What is the best feature about me?
ur smile

18. Am I shy or outgoing?
bit of both

19. Would you say I am funny?
yes...hilarious even..when im around

20. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?
REBEL.....

21. Any special talents?
music

22. Would you consider me a friend?
DUH?

23. Would you call me preppy, slutty, a horny,average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy,> snobby, silent, raver, or rocker, or something else?
SLUTY,HORNY,SLUTY,HORNY...need i say more.........
hahhahaha cheerful,nice,beautiful

24. Have you ever seen me cry?
think so

25. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?
biatch

26. My weaknesses?
hmmm shud i name it....i wud be bewitched.need i say more

27. Have i ever told you I liked you
hmm..u can start now

28. Have I ever been in love?
yess

29. When was the last time we spent time together?
when u ditched me for supper

30. Am i innocent?
NO, DO NOT MURDER THE WORD!!!

31. My type of movie?
hmmm not too sure

32. What type of a boyfren/girlfren would i be?
not a clingy one

33. Do you think i'm cool?
yeap

34. If we're together, are you proud of me?
of cerz..minus of the fact that she can embarass me on a sundy morn at 5 am in a mamak...

35. Am I in Love right know?
yesssssssssssssssssss

36. If, in one hour, I'll be gone forever...what will be your last words for me?
yeay....hhahhaha just kiddin ..love ya gal..u have made me seee sum tings in life differently..

Time heals

Time heals.
Some need a month, some need a year. Maybe even a couple...
Well, I never thought today will come, but it did.
All I needed was 2 hours to know for sure that it had passed. It's not what everyone needed anyway.
And it's funny how things seem so much better now, lighter.....
Whatever happened was, I guess, life's way of smacking you in the face with a "I-told-you-so".
Yeah, siree...so did everyone....
But all's well now...and I'm seizing that!

What If I Said

I just felt like I needed to share this...
damn nice...even better listening to the track...:)

What If I Said (Tim McGraw & Faith Hill)

We've been friends, for a long, long time,
You tell me your secrets and I tell you mine
She's left you all alone, and you feel like no one cares,
But I've never failed you,
I've always been there

You tell your story,it sounds a bit like mine,
Its the same old situation, it happens everytime,
Can't we see, oh maybe you and me,
Is what's meant to be,
Do we disagree

What if I told you, what if I said,
That I love you,
How would you feel, what would you think,
What would we do?
Do we dare to cross that line,between your heart and mine?
Or would I lose a friend?
Or find a love that will never end?
What if I said?

She doesn't love you, oh it's plain to see,
I can read between the lines of what you're telling me,
And he doesn't hold you, the way a woman should be held,
How long can I go on keeping these feelings to myself/

We've both had our share of loneliness,
So who's to say we can't have a little happiness?
And if I found that in you,
It would make my dreams come true
Or would you walk away?
Hear what I have to say.....