My poor ankle...

I fell down in campus today.
Stop laughing, its not funny.
I said stop.
Just take a look at my poor swollen ankle, you'd stop this instant.
The funny thing is, that's the same spot i fell a couple of weeks ago, in front of the computer science faculty. Talk about a jinxed spot. Luckily the campus was fairly empty. It has been a pretty good 3 years here in campus, no klutzy endeavours. Only since of late have I been having a problem balancing. Must be the booze and the clubs. All that pounding music must have taken a toll on my poor Tiub Eustachio...:)
Honestly, I have a phobia of falling in public. Shit..imagine being all dressed up, strutting your stuff...and then, falling flat in your face. Sure cannot come out of the house for a few months.

If someone is gonna disagree that the world is a small place, I'm gonna stomp my feet and throw a hissy fit. Coz it is. Unbelievably small. Over the weekend, I met some people here in Penang, who are from Klang, who knows so-n-so-n-so...very uncanny considering that we've bumped into each other a couple of times, and been in the same places unknowingly...aahhh...susah to explain. Point of the matter is, everyone knows everyone. Well, almost. It could be a good thing, or a bad(everyone will know of the shit you do)...depends... but it's all cool.

Okay, gotta run now(damn, I meant limp..cant run with this ankle)...gonna call my lecturer,we've got like a thing going on...Sometimes, you've gotta resort to these kinda measures to get your grades...hehhe...
Just kidding, you know me better than that!!!

Crap...I think I cant go near heels for quite a while..

Doctor,Doctor...Could you be more YummY??

Last night was,I would say,least unexpected.
I just came back from Mogan's wedding dinner and settled in to start studying for my paper tonight when Taren knocked at my door. She had developed an allergic reaction to Ponstan,and her eyes had swelled up massively..
After examining her, the doctor at the clinic said that she should be admitted at the Penang GH.

When Jo came back, we went to the emergency ward of the GH. We got there about 4am, all groggy.
Taren could barely open her eyes.

After dealing with stupid,ignorant nurses who couldnt even tell us what to do, we finally got to where we were supposed to be.

And there behold, what a sight!
I saw an unsmiling face.
Never has a cold,unsmiling face look so appealing.

Hmmm...what are the odds of finding yourself in front of hunky doc at 4 in the morning?
If I'd known, I wouldnt be standing there in the baggiest Tshirt and sweats, and virgin, styling product-free hair..

AFter 2 jabs,the doc put Taren under observation for some time. Since I stayed with her, I thought I could at least get a chair to sit by her bed.
But no. There were about 8 free chairs, and yet the stupid nurse said "no chair" when i could clearly see them...
She said I couldnt be there.
But the person in the next cubicle was allowed a stay-in visitor. Bloody double standard. Jus coz we're students la...

Anyway, when her back was turned i grabbed a chair and sat by Tarens bed, reading my notes for todays test.
The bitches complained to the cute doc and he politely came and explained to me.
Though I still couldn't see the logic..I smiled and stood up..took my things and sat outside.
His smile was enough to melt.
Then he came out and asked if I was okay, if the light was enough for my reading. He said if it wasn't,i could sit at this table out in front (i think it was somewhere where he was sitting..hehe)
But stupid me,said no...that I was fine.
I know!! Like how dumb is that??

Taren was discharged by another doctor, coz cutie had finished his shift and was nowhere to be seen. Sigh...
A friend thinks that he's her cousin, but we couldnt confirm if it really was him coz I dont know his name.He wasnt wearing his name-tag damnit!!
Well, if it is the same person,he's married.
A good looking,available indian doctor?
I knew it was too good to be true....

Excuse me while i bawl...

Local Uni and Their Idiots

Local university students,and policy makers,and adminstrators are a bunch of fools.
Don't believe me?Just step into one,and you'll know what I'm bitching about.
Tell you what,I'll save you the trouble, and spare you the patience-challenging trip.Here's and example of the fools they make of us.

Just the other day, I had a test at 8 in the morn.The University feeder bus apparently comes to the bus stop in front of my apartment at 7.40am. So Mai Yin and I were at the stop at 7.30am.We waited for a full 30 minutes,yet the bloody bus didn't come.So in the end,we had to wake jo up and ask her to send us to campus.No prizes for guessing who arrived late for the paper.

The night before,a friend informed us that we had to go to Jabatan Bendahari to get our Student Account Statement. On the same day, we were supposed to collect our exam slips. I thought I'd do whats important first,and skip the Jabatan Bendahari.
But then I get a message saying that we would only be given our slips when we produce an account statement that shows the balance as zero(as in,we dont owe the uni anything) and pay RM60 for our graduation fee.The nerve!

Anyway,i decided to be skema and went to take the Account Statement. But I wasn't gonna pay the damned graduation fee, coz I had no money.
You won't believe the state of the Jabatan Bendahari. It was worse that a fish market. There was pushing and shoving, all kinds of odours, all kinds of characters. To add to the 'professionalism' of the office, the staff were yelling the names of the students.

There was this dumbass girl,who pushed her way through and found herself next to me.
She looked at me and said, "I want to put my matrix card in the box in front".
I was in a foul mool,what with all the surrounding 'civility'.
So I stared at her and said, "So what do you want me to do?"
She was stunned. I guess she expected me to make way for her.
Two words. To Hell.
She can wait like everyone else.

There was this other girl whom Mai Yin told off for pushing people. She had the nerve to tell Mai yin that she needed to het her Statement.
Yeah. And everyone else just loves chilling at the Jabatan Bendahari.
Mai Yin told her to wait for her turn. And she told her friend next to her that Mai Yin was rude. I guess they thought she was a banana.
Mai Yin glared at her and said,"why,you graduating tommorow issit?"
That shut her up.

I noticed all the other skema students queuing to pay for their graduation jubah. I couldn't bloody be bothered.

When I finally got my statement and left the stinking crowd, i skimmed through the print-out and noticed this:
Yuran Bas: RM 25
The cheek.
Charge me bus fee for phantom buses. That got me seething even more.
Stupid buses are never on time,if they actually do come. They're even slower than the big, fat mutated iguanas at the Aman lake. Sometimes an hour can pass and still there'll be no sign of that RM25-a-month ride. Then after an hour,four buses will come in a row. Like some friggin convoy.
How so very unnerving!!

Anyway, we then continued on our journey to the Dewan Peperiksaan at the other end of the campus to get our examination slip.
Imagine this, the lady just wanted to see my matrix card. She gave me my slip and didn't ask for my statement. Not at all.
That made me even more flustered.To think I wasted an hour getting the useless statement. It was my faut too, I guess. Being skema and following the crowd.
What a way to start a morning. Oh well, I got to let it all out during Vocal Class.

There're more stupid things that stupid people do here.That, I'll save for coming entries.

A Tishoo,A Tishoo..We All Fall Down

Is it normal to always want something we know is quite impossible?

When we are presented with opportunities and goods with substantial value,why do we go to our wits end to fight for another of equal,or sometimes less value?

Why do we push away earnest suitors in favour of pricks?
Why do we refuse high paying jobs for taxing,measly-paying ones?
Why do we turn a deaf ear to our parents advice, insisting to learn things the hard way?
Why do we refuse the silver platter?
Why are we a bunch of dumb-asses?
Simply cari sakit,simply cari maut...

I don't know.
Maybe somehow,it gives some sorta satisfaction.We dont appreciate things that come easy as much.
But then again,say if i finally do get that prick,will things be all rosy?Or will i get 'bored',now that I dont get to play the chasing game anymore?
This life is so full of questions,isn't it?It's about time someone throw me the book of answers.

The Wonder Of You

I wonder if a broken heart could ever mend

I wonder if I'd ever forget the voice that moved me
I wonder if I'd get by a day not hoping for an accidental meeting
I wonder if I'd ever stop remembering your face with a broken smile
I wonder if I'd ever stop looking out for your car
I wonder if I'd never scan crowds

I wonder if you look back fondly on days gone by
I wonder if you knew the truth
I wonder if you were ever sincere
I wonder if you're laughing at me,behind your kind front
I wonder if you meant all the things you said

I wonder what went wrong

I wonder if I wronged you
I wonder if I'm forgiven
I wonder if I'm your friend
I wonder if I was once your friend

I wonder if you're willing to step into my shoes

I wonder at your insensitivity
I wonder at your pretence
I wonder at your ego

I wonder if I'm not deserving,
I wonder if I'm not good enough
I wonder what I'm short of

I wonder at your ability to make me feel so small
I wonder at your callousness

I wonder if anyone sees through my smiling self

I wonder why you take joy in making me cry
I wonder why you mean so much to me
I wonder why I'm stuck on you

I wonder how you can be so imperfectly perfect

I wonder why we met, for it to end this way

I wonder if you're happy, I hope you are, I truly do

I wonder if time is enough to erase those overwhelming memories

I wonder if I'd someday laugh at all this

I wonder if we could someday go back to how it used to be,

But if it doesn't,
I wonder if I will one day heal.

Ok,wait a minute..this is getting weird..

Another month.Then I'm all done with Penang.And if you've been reading my previous blogs,yes,I'm counting the days.
Once I graduate,I get to be legally stupid.After so loong.....
I was supposed to have a lecture at 8 tonight,but the dumba*s projector decided to bail out on us. Others would say it was a blessing,they get to go home and study for the upcoming exams.
But me? Nah..i'd rather procrastinate and bitch about how i should have started earlier the night before my paper.
Oh well, it'll be the last exam.

Anyway,the weirdest thing happened just now.I left my mobile at home when I went for class coz I didn't think anyone would call (judging by the activity,or rather,inactivity of my line the past couple of days).
When I came back,Jo related the conversation between my mum and her.
In one word.Bizzare.

Jo: Hi aunty...yada yada(formalities)
Anu left her phone at home,and she's gone for class.

Amma:Oh,issit.

Jo: I'll tell her to call you when she gets back?

Amma: Nevermind la..I just called coz I was bored.
(Me:Yippie!now I know why she calls me,coz she's bored!)

Jo: Oh,I see.

Amma:So how was Valentine's?I heard Anu was alone in the apartment. I heard you went out.

Jo: Yeah, I had dinner with a friend.

Amma:Why was Anu alone on valentine's?

Jo: Dunno la aunty.She's very choosy. (Me:hah!I wish I had a list to choose from)

Amma:I want her to get someone before she leaves Penang.
(Me:Wow,I didn't know about this masterplan)

Jo: Why la aunty?She's gonna leave Penang soon wat,so get Penang bf now also no point..

Amma:Ya,but when she comes backto Klang,she's gonna be teaching,surrounded by kids....

You get the picture.There's more,but thats immaterial.
Words cant explain how weird all this is. Just a couple of years ago I was secretly hanging on the phone and bluffing my way to go out on dates, shivering at the thought of my parents finding out I have a boyfriend.
And now?
My mum is asking me why am I single on Valentine's...Never did i think this day would ever happen.
And you know what?This means only one thing.
I'm old.
Sigh....

Be still...and I'll go mad!!

I'm not used to being home alone.It's too boring. I really don't know how people can live solitary lives.
For me, there is a need to know that there's another person under the same roof. I guess that need stems from the fact that i've always lived with lotsa noise around me.
It's CNY,and everyone has gone home...leaving me at the apartment alone.I could have bought a ticket home a couple of weeks back...but smart me decided not to.
my excuse?I've got lotsa pending lab reports to complete and assignments due.And also a couple of tests in the next 2 weeks..So i thought,I'd be wise and utilise my time doing what I should.
Shit,its only been half a day,and I'm going nuts...
I tried to read the damn trans fatty acid articles,but I cant seem to get past page 7.There're 20 more pages to go.
Just met up with Meghan and the gang for a short while at Pelita.The thought of going back to a deafeningly quiet apartment led me to the pondan shop to get a haircut.
And now here I am,at a cc...blogging unhappenings.
My next stop is the laundret.
Oh yeah,I just found out that my sis thinks I'm fat.How nice!
Anyway,I've stopped eating rice.Hope that'll help tilt the weighing scale left. And I'm using Lent as an excuse to turn into a vegetable monster..haha!
But I'm such a rice person...sob sob...
I came across this article in The Star,regarding the Au Pair program..sound really interesting.
I called the office up, they said I need to set an appointment to go through the application procedures and all other relevant matters.Hmmm,if all goes well,and if I get it, of to America I go!For a whole year...:)
It's a timely sign, I honestly think...

DIsconnected

I feel disconnected with myself.It's been a long time since I sat myself down with my thoughts and feelings.Long time since I pushed for what I really want. Long time since I did what I really enjoyed. Long time since I've been truly happy.
Give me some alcohol,and I'll cry...buckets.Over tactless people,over unavoidable circumstances,over everything gone wrong.That's how I connect these days.I know its unhealthy, but being truly happy is passe.

The ironic thing is, Sumi said I think a lot. I guess I used to.

Right now, I'm just going with the flow.See where the wind takes me.
I just want a 30 second glimpse of what my future would look like..I need to know if all this s*it 'life' has put me through, was actually worth it.

It's funny how I can go out of my way to make people that matter to me happy,but I cant exert a fraction of that effort to make me happy. I'm not saying I'm Mother Theresa or something,just that...I wish I did more for myself. I guess it all boils down to self- worth. If i valued myself a little more, I wouldn't be feeling this way.Hope it's juat a temporary phase.

The semester is coming to an end very soon and I'd be leaving Penang for good. Couple of months ago, I was actually contemplating getting a job here, or continue on to do my Masters. Now I just cant wait to get away. I want to close this chapter. If I could rip out the pages of this chapter, all the better.Burn it and watch it form ashes.

Should have left the country when I had the chance to.
I want to migrate to another country, start afresh,new people,new atmosphere.And hopefully build new memories to overwrite the past.No one gives a damn,anyway...

Soho

Guess who's back? Back again?;)
Well, I'm recovering from the weekend..had too much of alcohol and did too many stupid things.Soho was good...but not as good as Waikiki.
There was this mat salleh guy who asked if mai yin and i were lesbians...i smiled at him and said yes. Then he asked if could watch.
Should have said yes. Could have made a couple of bucks there...;)