Twenty Something
This weekend has been a real slow and trying one. Despite having a lot of time to myself, I still am unable to tap in and identify what my actual problem is. There's an unexplained void inside that I wish I knew what caused it, and who or what can be done to make it whole again.
Ah, well...I guess that's everyone's story.
In some ways, I kinda miss being a young, silly teenager with absolutely no financial worries on her mind-except of course when the phone bill come at the end of the month. Then I'll have to cook up stories to explain the calls that cost more than a ringgit.
There was once a call to a mobile number that my dad was furious about, I think it was 8 ringgit something.It was made at about 3am to this guy from church whom I had a crush on (who btw is getting married soon..sigh!)To cut a long story short, I thought I'd take a chance and I really thought I'd be able to get away with this one-So when my dad asked whose number it was, I justs shrugged a 'I don't know'..so did everyone else in the family (obviously). I never would have done that if I knew he was gonna call the guy up and find out who he was and who he was talking to from our home. I was busted.
I never thought I'd say it, but I miss the 'watcha doin?' just because phone calls about five or six times throughout the day, the midnight yakking and the clock-ticking-meter-busting comfortable silences (never mind that the mozzies were having a feast on my legs, and irritatingly on the soles of the feet) when neither had anything to say. I am not one that thrives on too much of attention; and that kinda explains the occasional claustrophobia attacks I suffered from in the past.
However, there are too many days now where I wish I was the centre of someone's life, that I could use someone as my punching bag when things don't go my way, that I could bury my face in comforting arms because I'm scared of tomorrow, that I could listen to their fears and hopes as well, just to know I'm not the only freak. Over time, I just find myslef turning into a deranged psycho instead whose only solace is in the screen of a Notepad.
But this is the life of a twenty something (a syndrome, rather). This is when you can be in a relationship and not get a phone call or an SMS the whole day or even longer- so forget the 'simply' calls. This is also when relationships are something that you 'juggle' and when 'ask and you shall receive' is an unsaid policy. Even if you can't talk to the concerned person about certain issues that will definitely cause tiffs, you're not 'encouraged' to blog or talk to your frieds about it. On the other hand, you can send looong smses or emails (just to avoid an ugly situation) and not get a reply...but god forbid you don't reply theirs.
Because people in this age group would have been through somewhat significant relationships and breakups, everything changes and you should expect to be shortchanged in the next, even if it's as promising as Brazil in the World Cup Finals. They enter a relationship with only one foot and a constant reminder to not let go wholly/freely 'just in case it doesnt work out, things wont be so bad.'
If you're a twenty something girl, you're always making a big deal out of nothing. 'Nothing', for example is when a sleazy w*or* lights your man's ciggarette-in front of you. 'Nothing' is when you feel that there's something not quite right but it has to be almost 'tangible' to be recognised as 'something'. The ultimatum is 'I'm not perfect-take it or leave it'. When you're in deep, would you leave it? Of course not..you'll take it like a spineless love sick puppy.
I know someone whom I felt was shortchanged like this, and I used to be baffled thinking about how she could go on with someone who seemed like he had the relationship with her out of conveniece; it was always he who decided when to meet or when to talk...if she initiated it, it would be at the 'wrong time'. She said that he did on occasions tell her that he cared for her (nothing more), and I used to get so furious because she took him for his words instead of actions. I tried to look at all the different angles to decipher why she stayed on, and I also distinctly remember trying to talk her to get her out of it by telling her that she deserved better.
I know now why it didnt work-she loved him dearly. Sometimes the shoe has to fit perfectly for you to get that lightbulb moment. There's a line in the song, 'Midnight Train To Georgia'-"I'd rather live in his world, than to live without him in mine".
By the way,I'm really,really glad for Debbie(I've said this for the how manyeth time,I dont know)
Ah, well...I guess that's everyone's story.
In some ways, I kinda miss being a young, silly teenager with absolutely no financial worries on her mind-except of course when the phone bill come at the end of the month. Then I'll have to cook up stories to explain the calls that cost more than a ringgit.
There was once a call to a mobile number that my dad was furious about, I think it was 8 ringgit something.It was made at about 3am to this guy from church whom I had a crush on (who btw is getting married soon..sigh!)To cut a long story short, I thought I'd take a chance and I really thought I'd be able to get away with this one-So when my dad asked whose number it was, I justs shrugged a 'I don't know'..so did everyone else in the family (obviously). I never would have done that if I knew he was gonna call the guy up and find out who he was and who he was talking to from our home. I was busted.
I never thought I'd say it, but I miss the 'watcha doin?' just because phone calls about five or six times throughout the day, the midnight yakking and the clock-ticking-meter-busting comfortable silences (never mind that the mozzies were having a feast on my legs, and irritatingly on the soles of the feet) when neither had anything to say. I am not one that thrives on too much of attention; and that kinda explains the occasional claustrophobia attacks I suffered from in the past.
However, there are too many days now where I wish I was the centre of someone's life, that I could use someone as my punching bag when things don't go my way, that I could bury my face in comforting arms because I'm scared of tomorrow, that I could listen to their fears and hopes as well, just to know I'm not the only freak. Over time, I just find myslef turning into a deranged psycho instead whose only solace is in the screen of a Notepad.
But this is the life of a twenty something (a syndrome, rather). This is when you can be in a relationship and not get a phone call or an SMS the whole day or even longer- so forget the 'simply' calls. This is also when relationships are something that you 'juggle' and when 'ask and you shall receive' is an unsaid policy. Even if you can't talk to the concerned person about certain issues that will definitely cause tiffs, you're not 'encouraged' to blog or talk to your frieds about it. On the other hand, you can send looong smses or emails (just to avoid an ugly situation) and not get a reply...but god forbid you don't reply theirs.
Because people in this age group would have been through somewhat significant relationships and breakups, everything changes and you should expect to be shortchanged in the next, even if it's as promising as Brazil in the World Cup Finals. They enter a relationship with only one foot and a constant reminder to not let go wholly/freely 'just in case it doesnt work out, things wont be so bad.'
If you're a twenty something girl, you're always making a big deal out of nothing. 'Nothing', for example is when a sleazy w*or* lights your man's ciggarette-in front of you. 'Nothing' is when you feel that there's something not quite right but it has to be almost 'tangible' to be recognised as 'something'. The ultimatum is 'I'm not perfect-take it or leave it'. When you're in deep, would you leave it? Of course not..you'll take it like a spineless love sick puppy.
I know someone whom I felt was shortchanged like this, and I used to be baffled thinking about how she could go on with someone who seemed like he had the relationship with her out of conveniece; it was always he who decided when to meet or when to talk...if she initiated it, it would be at the 'wrong time'. She said that he did on occasions tell her that he cared for her (nothing more), and I used to get so furious because she took him for his words instead of actions. I tried to look at all the different angles to decipher why she stayed on, and I also distinctly remember trying to talk her to get her out of it by telling her that she deserved better.
I know now why it didnt work-she loved him dearly. Sometimes the shoe has to fit perfectly for you to get that lightbulb moment. There's a line in the song, 'Midnight Train To Georgia'-"I'd rather live in his world, than to live without him in mine".
By the way,I'm really,really glad for Debbie(I've said this for the how manyeth time,I dont know)
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