It's Not You, It's ME
One of the common excuses a dumper would give the dumpee is ,"It's not you, it's me. I am the one with the issues" and hearing this always make my stomach turn.
There are many times that I've used this excuse ( not in the above context, but somewhat), so I know the truth behind the line.
Translated, it means "It's your fault. It's you. And the reason I cant be honest with you is that I dont want to hurt you, lest I become the bad person-so let's just settle it this way: you go on thinking that I'm the one that needs straightening out, while I get up each morn convinced that you're better off being lied too, instead of us working up another strom by being blatantly honest and ironing the so called issues together".
So, when a guy tells you that you're great, and wonderful but its just him who suffers from a commitment phobia, or how much he doesnt want to hurt you should something go wrong in the course, it just means that you're great and wonderful. But not great and wonderful enough for him to reasses and give it a shot first before assuming and presuming.
Coz if he did, it'd be as simple as "Hey look, here are the things that would probably make my transition from being single to committing to a relationship hard. But I really like you, and it would be great if we could work something out."
If he doesn't say something along the lines of the above, then it simply means that he doesn't think you're worth it. Of course, it also depends on what you ask of him. If it's gonna need a thorough upheaval in every way possible, then you're probably pushing it. Should it be a minimal expectation of a healthy relationship and he views it as life threatening, something is dead wrong here.
My question is, why decide for someone else if the 'pain/hurt' is worth going through? Is she not capable enough to use her own mind to make a decision? Why insult and belittle her competencies in handling the paths she takes and choices she makes? Why not leave that part for her to figure out and you focus on yours?
If she's not comparing her previous relationships to what she expects of the future, how can you?
It's not by reading a multitude of women's resources that I can safely say that the reason for the above is that he's just not that into you.
So why put your life on hold for someone who probably cares, but not as much as you would like him to? For someone who wouldnt do the same for you?
Having been thrown the same line 3 times, I am quite certain I know what I'm talking about.
This is how you grow numb to certain things.
There are many times that I've used this excuse ( not in the above context, but somewhat), so I know the truth behind the line.
Translated, it means "It's your fault. It's you. And the reason I cant be honest with you is that I dont want to hurt you, lest I become the bad person-so let's just settle it this way: you go on thinking that I'm the one that needs straightening out, while I get up each morn convinced that you're better off being lied too, instead of us working up another strom by being blatantly honest and ironing the so called issues together".
So, when a guy tells you that you're great, and wonderful but its just him who suffers from a commitment phobia, or how much he doesnt want to hurt you should something go wrong in the course, it just means that you're great and wonderful. But not great and wonderful enough for him to reasses and give it a shot first before assuming and presuming.
Coz if he did, it'd be as simple as "Hey look, here are the things that would probably make my transition from being single to committing to a relationship hard. But I really like you, and it would be great if we could work something out."
If he doesn't say something along the lines of the above, then it simply means that he doesn't think you're worth it. Of course, it also depends on what you ask of him. If it's gonna need a thorough upheaval in every way possible, then you're probably pushing it. Should it be a minimal expectation of a healthy relationship and he views it as life threatening, something is dead wrong here.
My question is, why decide for someone else if the 'pain/hurt' is worth going through? Is she not capable enough to use her own mind to make a decision? Why insult and belittle her competencies in handling the paths she takes and choices she makes? Why not leave that part for her to figure out and you focus on yours?
If she's not comparing her previous relationships to what she expects of the future, how can you?
It's not by reading a multitude of women's resources that I can safely say that the reason for the above is that he's just not that into you.
So why put your life on hold for someone who probably cares, but not as much as you would like him to? For someone who wouldnt do the same for you?
Having been thrown the same line 3 times, I am quite certain I know what I'm talking about.
This is how you grow numb to certain things.
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