Untitled Past/Post
Hmmm....there's this really hot maintenance guy walking about in the office right now.
Tell me if you know of anything sexier than a man at play with tools?
We had a short Tamil movie scene, you know, the turn-away kind. He looks, I look, he smiles, I blush...I LOOK AWAY!
Ahhh...anyway...
He called last night-Though I can hardly deem it a conversation, the short call made me substantially happy for the rest of the day. I still adore and care for him to bits, just like I used to, but I've given up on wishing on my old hopes. After everything, I'm surprisingly glad we are where we are now.
"How can you forget what he'd said to you?Don't you remember all that? Doesn't that change anything?" I've been asked.
Yes, I do-vaguely.
These memories are leaving me-why should I run after it? This is God's way of allowing me to let go and move on. Coz he knows I'm weak.
I'll cherish the good, sincere times-choir practices, Pelita, dressing up for weekend masses, 'jamming', karaoke, St Anne's, him doing a Robbie Williams and making a clown of himself.
There was this period where I was so 'in love' (i'm too lazy to think of a more suitable word, so I'll mock myself) when we girls went out on a shopping spree.
I splurged on a dainty pair of white sandals and this was the first time I ever bought myself fragrance-White Musk from The Body Shop which I used religiously in Penang. Now, whenever I use whats left of that tiny bottle, I'd be transported back to the good ol' days. Sometimes I'd take a quick whiff,just because.
It's amazing what scents can do to ignite your mind.
Admittedly, I've put him in akward and unfair situations to obtain reasons and answers for myself. Yes, it was selfish, but there's no use in fretting about it right now, coz it was a judgement made at that point of time.
I refuse to book this chapter as 'wasted emotions'. I learnt a lot- what it's like to not always get what you want, who my real friends are, what it's like not to have feelings returned, what it's like being at my lowest and not having anything to blame it on, slowing picking up the scattered pieces and most importantly- caring unconditionally for someone-especially when technically, they're nothing to you.
We all know the saying, 'It's better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all' .Comforting.
There was a period of time when we didn't talk. I couldn't and wouldn't. I forced myself to hate him for the things he said and did. The truth however, was far from that and hard to miss, for the negative feelings lasted for a relatively short time. And God forbid anyone who spoke a word against him!
He asked me over a recent telephone conversation, if I was forcing myself to talk to him, said he sensed that I didn't really want to talk to him.
The reality of the moment was that my mind was going, 'Wow Anucia, we really didn't know you're capable of NOT acting like a constipated nitwit towards him. You go,girl!'
What actually came out was a somewhat harsh, "Eh, if I don't wanna talk to you I could hang up k..I'm not forcing myself. Why should I? I don't owe you anything.."
Ego.
Something made me pull over in the middle of the Federal Highway, switch on my hazard lights and dig up an old CD that had one of the songs our choir sang-and how easily the tears fell when the song played.
Well, I'm looking forward to seeing him at the end of the year. It's been a while, and I sure as hell do miss his company.
Tell me if you know of anything sexier than a man at play with tools?
We had a short Tamil movie scene, you know, the turn-away kind. He looks, I look, he smiles, I blush...I LOOK AWAY!
Ahhh...anyway...
He called last night-Though I can hardly deem it a conversation, the short call made me substantially happy for the rest of the day. I still adore and care for him to bits, just like I used to, but I've given up on wishing on my old hopes. After everything, I'm surprisingly glad we are where we are now.
"How can you forget what he'd said to you?Don't you remember all that? Doesn't that change anything?" I've been asked.
Yes, I do-vaguely.
These memories are leaving me-why should I run after it? This is God's way of allowing me to let go and move on. Coz he knows I'm weak.
I'll cherish the good, sincere times-choir practices, Pelita, dressing up for weekend masses, 'jamming', karaoke, St Anne's, him doing a Robbie Williams and making a clown of himself.
There was this period where I was so 'in love' (i'm too lazy to think of a more suitable word, so I'll mock myself) when we girls went out on a shopping spree.
I splurged on a dainty pair of white sandals and this was the first time I ever bought myself fragrance-White Musk from The Body Shop which I used religiously in Penang. Now, whenever I use whats left of that tiny bottle, I'd be transported back to the good ol' days. Sometimes I'd take a quick whiff,just because.
It's amazing what scents can do to ignite your mind.
Admittedly, I've put him in akward and unfair situations to obtain reasons and answers for myself. Yes, it was selfish, but there's no use in fretting about it right now, coz it was a judgement made at that point of time.
I refuse to book this chapter as 'wasted emotions'. I learnt a lot- what it's like to not always get what you want, who my real friends are, what it's like not to have feelings returned, what it's like being at my lowest and not having anything to blame it on, slowing picking up the scattered pieces and most importantly- caring unconditionally for someone-especially when technically, they're nothing to you.
We all know the saying, 'It's better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all' .Comforting.
There was a period of time when we didn't talk. I couldn't and wouldn't. I forced myself to hate him for the things he said and did. The truth however, was far from that and hard to miss, for the negative feelings lasted for a relatively short time. And God forbid anyone who spoke a word against him!
He asked me over a recent telephone conversation, if I was forcing myself to talk to him, said he sensed that I didn't really want to talk to him.
The reality of the moment was that my mind was going, 'Wow Anucia, we really didn't know you're capable of NOT acting like a constipated nitwit towards him. You go,girl!'
What actually came out was a somewhat harsh, "Eh, if I don't wanna talk to you I could hang up k..I'm not forcing myself. Why should I? I don't owe you anything.."
Ego.
Something made me pull over in the middle of the Federal Highway, switch on my hazard lights and dig up an old CD that had one of the songs our choir sang-and how easily the tears fell when the song played.
Well, I'm looking forward to seeing him at the end of the year. It's been a while, and I sure as hell do miss his company.
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