Revelations

I hate it when I get proven wrong.
Especially in human relationships, in my judgements of others, in my expectancies of roles that certain people play in my life, in the 'beneficial doubts', so to speak, that I so easily hand to 'friends' when I assumed some 'character ammendments' a couple of years back. Big good that did!
I'm learning to accept the mistakes I made, and not dwell too much into it.

I don't know why I keep making excuses for the insincere ones, the selfish ones, despite all the warning signs, despite all the words of wisdom from the always-there-for-you ones, however harsh they were.
At the end of it, after all that holding out, desperately wanting to show off that I had valid reasons for my stand points, I get mud thrown at my face.
Though they never say it, I know deep down there's the hidden I-told-you-so sigh....
I realised that I have picked what I wanted to believe and what I wanted to block.

I've always believed that a friend would do however much he can to be there for you. At least I know I would. But I learnt too late that even if he's in front of you, he may not be there for you. It's all at their convenience.
Painful, yes. And I'm hurting so.
Like everything else though, I know this too will pass.
Somewhere in this world, a mother is losing her child, a husband is cheating on his wife, a mother is abusing the ones she's trusted to protect. So what is my grief in comparison, I ask?
Not that great, but it comes down to one thing. Respect for the human heart.

I have to start listening to those I never wanted to. And heed that I need to look out for myself a bit more, coz this world is a selfish one. People say a lot of things, but when it's time to live up to it, they take a/- raincheck(s).
It's always easier to do that, and then come up with a good reason for it later, isn't it? Especially when there are still naive idiots like me in this screwed up world....

Respect for the human heart also means guarding your own, not just treating others' right. So I guess I'm gonna be on guard and look out for a while. If that means being not so trusting, being doubtful of spoken words, wanting to see someone prove his worthiness before I open my doors, I might just.