Last Night
It was a really weird night yesterday.
I was feeling extremely,extremely low, and I was at a place I didn't think I'd visit again so soon. As I was acknowledging the familiar path, the pre-symptomatic symptoms, the scaringly similar patterns and experiencing short flashes of deja-vu, a text message came in.
Who would have thought there was someone echoing my thoughts and fears, at that very moment. Someone dear, someone who pretty much knows where I'm coming from,a friend who knows almost every secret of mine, a friend who'd seen me hit rock bottom, and vice versa. She was lying in bed, feeling much the same.
We spoke about us, about life, about the choices and decisions we've made, assasined our own characters, and most of all wondered in tears why things turn out the way they do. Are there really lessons to be learnt behind each bad episode? Or is that some smart ass' 'words of wisdom', just so that people dont get stuck in their rut forever, so that we'll get up and move, so that we'll not irritate the living crap out of loved ones who'd probably be obliged to be subjected to our grievances?
Past experiences can break you, but handled well, it makes you more aware. Sometimes too aware.She asks,"Who needs these experiences, anyway?" She had a valid question. Experiences form expectations. Expectations form judgements. What forms next crumbles any relationship.
I desperately want to believe that after the storm has passed, rays of light will shine. It's the only logical explanation, when you can't find the words to say to a friend brought down to tears by the injusticeness of life, to yourself when everything else seems bleak. Your Creator can't possibly be that mean now, can he?But deep down, I cannot bring myself to admit that I wholeheartedly believe it.
Maybe there isn't a silver lining after all. Maybe things don't happen for a reason. It just happens for the sake of giving people something to talk about, something to laugh about. Maybe for every 199 happy people, there's meant to be one who'll get it bad. Who would really know? And the chances of it happening to you, is, well, do the math..
We wondered if we were in the places we were just for the sake of convenience. I think a lot of us are. We'd rather give in to what people expect of us, to what's easier, even after consciously knowing that rainbows are visible on the other side.Why? Because the journey to the other side is an ardous one, too tiring, too complicated, and too emotionally draining.
She sees the similarites of the standing plot, and she says that she is scared and worried for me, and that she understands that if I let go, it'll be hard, but not that wrong.Somehow, of all the few people I've confided in, she knows that I know what I want, however premature it sounds. She knows I don't rush into things heart/hormones first. It's nice to know that someone believes in you, and doesn't dismiss it with a 'you will feel differently about this whole thing somewhere down the road'.
As much as you deny that you need that 'someone' in your life, it's nice to share all the little details with someone who's as crazy about you as you are of him, it's nice to know that that someone doesn't love you less on your bad hair days, or when your skin decides to act up, or when your hormones start throwing hissy fits during that cursed time of the month. It's only human to want to be loved as much as they can love. No man is an island, and no man wants to be an island.
We get sucked into the same situations over and over. And even when you start feeling the familiarity, you dont wanna walk away just yet; you hope that with a few more steps, you'd actually end up at a different junction, with different possibilities. Very much akin to a druggie out of rehab only to find himself in again...
I was feeling extremely,extremely low, and I was at a place I didn't think I'd visit again so soon. As I was acknowledging the familiar path, the pre-symptomatic symptoms, the scaringly similar patterns and experiencing short flashes of deja-vu, a text message came in.
Who would have thought there was someone echoing my thoughts and fears, at that very moment. Someone dear, someone who pretty much knows where I'm coming from,a friend who knows almost every secret of mine, a friend who'd seen me hit rock bottom, and vice versa. She was lying in bed, feeling much the same.
We spoke about us, about life, about the choices and decisions we've made, assasined our own characters, and most of all wondered in tears why things turn out the way they do. Are there really lessons to be learnt behind each bad episode? Or is that some smart ass' 'words of wisdom', just so that people dont get stuck in their rut forever, so that we'll get up and move, so that we'll not irritate the living crap out of loved ones who'd probably be obliged to be subjected to our grievances?
Past experiences can break you, but handled well, it makes you more aware. Sometimes too aware.She asks,"Who needs these experiences, anyway?" She had a valid question. Experiences form expectations. Expectations form judgements. What forms next crumbles any relationship.
I desperately want to believe that after the storm has passed, rays of light will shine. It's the only logical explanation, when you can't find the words to say to a friend brought down to tears by the injusticeness of life, to yourself when everything else seems bleak. Your Creator can't possibly be that mean now, can he?But deep down, I cannot bring myself to admit that I wholeheartedly believe it.
Maybe there isn't a silver lining after all. Maybe things don't happen for a reason. It just happens for the sake of giving people something to talk about, something to laugh about. Maybe for every 199 happy people, there's meant to be one who'll get it bad. Who would really know? And the chances of it happening to you, is, well, do the math..
We wondered if we were in the places we were just for the sake of convenience. I think a lot of us are. We'd rather give in to what people expect of us, to what's easier, even after consciously knowing that rainbows are visible on the other side.Why? Because the journey to the other side is an ardous one, too tiring, too complicated, and too emotionally draining.
She sees the similarites of the standing plot, and she says that she is scared and worried for me, and that she understands that if I let go, it'll be hard, but not that wrong.Somehow, of all the few people I've confided in, she knows that I know what I want, however premature it sounds. She knows I don't rush into things heart/hormones first. It's nice to know that someone believes in you, and doesn't dismiss it with a 'you will feel differently about this whole thing somewhere down the road'.
As much as you deny that you need that 'someone' in your life, it's nice to share all the little details with someone who's as crazy about you as you are of him, it's nice to know that that someone doesn't love you less on your bad hair days, or when your skin decides to act up, or when your hormones start throwing hissy fits during that cursed time of the month. It's only human to want to be loved as much as they can love. No man is an island, and no man wants to be an island.
We get sucked into the same situations over and over. And even when you start feeling the familiarity, you dont wanna walk away just yet; you hope that with a few more steps, you'd actually end up at a different junction, with different possibilities. Very much akin to a druggie out of rehab only to find himself in again...
1 Comments:
Everyone needs experiences whether good or bad. It's part of life anyway, it's part of the purpose in life that some of us have it bad above all else...but it's up to us to figure out what to do with those experiences that makes the difference.
But in the end it's our choice in the matter that gives us the right to be happy or sad. In the end it's our choice whether we want to keep walking or not. For as much as we live even over over again in the same thing. The end comes when we realise we have a choice.
That's when we start to take the different roads.
In the end...it's always in your hand.
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