When You Fail

What do you do when someone you've known all your life attempts to take her life?
Do you hold her while she cries?
Do you voice out your condescending thoughts on how stupid and selfish her actions were?
Or do you just quietly sit on the sidelines, pray and hope for a divine intervention so that you dont have to be responsible for the advice you give, should it be inappropriate?
A rude shock, that's what yesterday was.

I've spent almost my whole life bitching about human beings and their silly ways of reacting to what life throws their way..heck, even this blog is largely dedicated to 'appreciating' things stupid people do.

So, when I found out one of the people I'm supposed to have set an example for, supposed to have inspired and supposed to have 'guided', so to speak, threatened her own life, I couldn't help but feel like I've somehow failed her.
Where was I when she was lost?
Where was I when she needed a ear?
Where was I when she needed me to lift her head,push her shoulders up, to tell her everything will be alright, that things could have been worse?
Where was I?
Caught up in my own world, thats where I was..
I guess it wasn't only her who was selfish..

After the initial spasms of anger subsided,this well of mine released its tears.
How could I stay mad for long anyway?
The people in the LRT probably thought I'd lost it, the way they were staring at me, huddled at the end of the train, all dressed up,wiping the streaming tears with the back of my hand, attracting unnecessary attention and trying hard not to think of the consequences of the situation.

Looking at her hovering over the bucket, tugging at the IV drip tube, every organ contracted, tears flowing freely while groaning and grimacing in pain trying to throw up something that isn't even there, I had to take a reality check. I had to let the anger pass and delve into the underlying issues that surrounded her 'surreal'ity of it all.

There has to be a lesson learnt.