Addictions

I have finally come to understand the concept of an 'addiction'. I never,or rather, refused to believed that you could let something take total control of you, wholly consume your mind and actions. Maybe that's because I have always been in control of mine. At least I thought I was.

The truth is, I tend to suppress or not address issues that deserve some thought. I rather adopt the 'I'll sit back and wait' attitude, than to be assertive of my wants and desires. But when things cross the line my sanity sets,I'd begin grappling for balance. Then I'd look desperately for long overdue solutions...in it's most obvious meaning.Long overdue. What's left to do then, is to let go and not succumb to the strong nudgings of the 'I'm-a-poor-helpless-victim-of-circumstances' feeling that pulls you down.

Of all the addictions that I've witnessed, felt remotely or read about, I think the greatest danger is posed to an individual who's addicted to another.

You spend your waking hours thinking about him, you dress how you think he'd want you to,do your hair in the same manner, act and think how he'd want you to, stare at the phone for that personalised ring tone to bring it to life. You say, "It makes him happy".

And you?
How do you go about compromising your self worth, your interests and dignity, just so you're defined by your partner's?When things don't work out, and you finally bring yourself out of the depths of your despair, you move on and mould yourself into the ideals of the next loverboy. At the end of it all, you'll just end up perceived a spineless doormat.

How will you ever appreciate your background, you experiences, your beliefs and upbringing? How will you ever appreciate you,and the uniqueness that sets you apart?

I will not deny that I haven't been in similar situations before, I have. To a certain degree. It's really hard walking away, especially when you've spent so much time getting to know him, trying to give him his 'space', letting him be, trying to make him happy but all to no avail. You're not getting the results you desire. He's still playing games. He's still not coming around. Another SYT walks in and takes over in a jiffy. What do you do next?

As much as you feel that the noble thing to do is to 'be his friend till the end,come what may', if you can't do it, don't. You'll only end up worse than you already are.

Draw the line. Don't drop him off immediately, but let it go lightly. what used to be endless conversations over enough teh-tariks to feed China, bring it over a brief dinner. Give excuses that you're busy..whatever, he'll get the idea..Lay off for a while, let things cool n then come around later. If he really treasured what you had, he'll understand..(yeah, there are some men like that still these days..and I hope I'm not speaking too soon :) )

I'm not advocating severing ties just because you don't get what you want. But in reality, there're 2 sets of people, one that can say "To hell" and move on while keeping the 'friendship', and the other who'd sit and moan about what went wrong, where. The latter are the ones I'm advocating this to. Like it or not, this is the most probable measure to salvage whatever that's left of your groundings.

One day, you might laugh it off, only to realise that you're back in the same situation, only different leads. You may ask, "Why is this always happening to me? How many times more must it take before things work out for me?"
It's okay to wallow in self pity, but get this...the answer is limitless.
Some have it easier than others, but if you're acceptant of the truth, it's easier to love yourself and hence easier to find that elusive happiness.