DIsconnected
I feel disconnected with myself.It's been a long time since I sat myself down with my thoughts and feelings.Long time since I pushed for what I really want. Long time since I did what I really enjoyed. Long time since I've been truly happy.
Give me some alcohol,and I'll cry...buckets.Over tactless people,over unavoidable circumstances,over everything gone wrong.That's how I connect these days.I know its unhealthy, but being truly happy is passe.
The ironic thing is, Sumi said I think a lot. I guess I used to.
Right now, I'm just going with the flow.See where the wind takes me.
I just want a 30 second glimpse of what my future would look like..I need to know if all this s*it 'life' has put me through, was actually worth it.
It's funny how I can go out of my way to make people that matter to me happy,but I cant exert a fraction of that effort to make me happy. I'm not saying I'm Mother Theresa or something,just that...I wish I did more for myself. I guess it all boils down to self- worth. If i valued myself a little more, I wouldn't be feeling this way.Hope it's juat a temporary phase.
The semester is coming to an end very soon and I'd be leaving Penang for good. Couple of months ago, I was actually contemplating getting a job here, or continue on to do my Masters. Now I just cant wait to get away. I want to close this chapter. If I could rip out the pages of this chapter, all the better.Burn it and watch it form ashes.
Should have left the country when I had the chance to.
I want to migrate to another country, start afresh,new people,new atmosphere.And hopefully build new memories to overwrite the past.No one gives a damn,anyway...
Give me some alcohol,and I'll cry...buckets.Over tactless people,over unavoidable circumstances,over everything gone wrong.That's how I connect these days.I know its unhealthy, but being truly happy is passe.
The ironic thing is, Sumi said I think a lot. I guess I used to.
Right now, I'm just going with the flow.See where the wind takes me.
I just want a 30 second glimpse of what my future would look like..I need to know if all this s*it 'life' has put me through, was actually worth it.
It's funny how I can go out of my way to make people that matter to me happy,but I cant exert a fraction of that effort to make me happy. I'm not saying I'm Mother Theresa or something,just that...I wish I did more for myself. I guess it all boils down to self- worth. If i valued myself a little more, I wouldn't be feeling this way.Hope it's juat a temporary phase.
The semester is coming to an end very soon and I'd be leaving Penang for good. Couple of months ago, I was actually contemplating getting a job here, or continue on to do my Masters. Now I just cant wait to get away. I want to close this chapter. If I could rip out the pages of this chapter, all the better.Burn it and watch it form ashes.
Should have left the country when I had the chance to.
I want to migrate to another country, start afresh,new people,new atmosphere.And hopefully build new memories to overwrite the past.No one gives a damn,anyway...
1 Comments:
hey anu, you still think a lot! but i guess sometimes its a good thing, just don't let it get to you..please get the hell out of penang and get your ass back to KL!i'll personally make sure u STOP thinking and really go with the flow!*wink* all you gotta do is just spend one week with me and i'll turn u round completely..promise i won't give you too much to drink or else i'd have to sit and might end up crying WITH you! yoges's wedding really hit me hard man..i tell u..i even dreamt I was blissfully married after that, and best part was pregnant..which was a great thing only to find out i lost the baby..it left me feelin damn depressed the next day but i bounced back! still thinkin what the dream meant? anyways, can't wait to see u back in KL...i'll help you find a job k? luv,hugs and kisses always...sumi.
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