Grabbing Life By It's Balls

I had a conversation with Mai Yin last night,after our yum char session at Pelita (well, I guess you regulars would know by now that we give Pelita good business ;)) about feeling empty, not feeling fulfilled.

Everyday, I go through the same routine; get up, attend lectures,lunch, nap, dinner, tv, assignments, www, supper, sleep.
Everyday.
No wonder I'm almost obese...;)

We used to go to SPCA during the weekends last semester, but things have been so hectic this time. The only time I do something that breaks the damn cycle these days is attending choir practice in church. Call it a cheap thrill, or whatever...but i really look forward to screming my lungs out 2 hours a week. It's fun, honest!
So I guess you'd know by know what my social life is about. Almost non-existent.
Going kai-kai at shopping malls are rare occasions, especially during semester end (in other words, when the loan money runs dry and FAMA Corp. refuses to pick up the phone).
Even clubbing has reduced considerably these days.
I guess it's normal, and nothing to whine about.
But when I think of it, so many of my friends make it a point to go out during the weekends, catch a movie, shop around, go clubbing. I mean, that's the norm, being students, right?

It's amazing how they can walk around the same shopping complex, over and over. Every place has Vincci, every place has Seed every place has Padini, every place has rip-off Levi's...

Back to not feeling fulfilled.
There're so many things I wanna do.
I wanna teach. I wanna play with kids. I wanna go help out at a refugee camp, do humanitarian work in war torn countries, adopt a kid, have a family, cook for my husband and kids, sing for a newly wed couple, adore my in laws, host Lonely Planet, become an anchor woman, write a book, perform in a concert, travel,meet old friends, be the moving force behing a grand event, fly,waitress, organise a big family get together, work with students, do a school play, take up classical dancing, latin dance,carolling, establish my very own library (that'll be nothing like the ones we have now), open a club, take care of my parents, feed my family, have many many dogs, be the happening aunt, start an old folks home, an orphanage..

I could go on. But i need to stop to start doing these things.
The thing is, there're so many things that i don't know where to begin. Which comes first? What's the chronological order? Where'd the dough come from? Will there be enough time? Will I actually be good at what I want to do? Is it impossible to do everything?

Someone told me that it'll all be very possible if I marry a rich, dying tycoon...point to ponder...hahah..just kidding..never would i contemplate being with someone for their money. My money is mine, and your's is well, yours...but I'm extremely generous, so my money would be ours ...;)

I was thinking, if I died tomorrow, I'd go a restless soul. Bless you whom I haunt.
I don't want to leave this place not grabbing life by it's balls. But I can't rip life's pants off now coz right now, i gotta do what I gotta to do. Be a bloody student. The only consolation is that it'll all be over in another semester.

All I'm asking for is eternity, to proudly tell St Peter that I lived my life to the fullest, and that God didn't waste His time carving me.