naturally...
Exams are tomorrow... tomorrow..tomorrow
n im going insane... each time it draws near I turn into an emotional overreacting psychotic zombie... I've decided to give mai yin a break,I don't think she can handle me breakdown in front of her.i don't think I could if someone else would to in front of me... what the hell do I say?
the whole world is against me!y do others always seem to get everything they want n don't have things goin so hard for them?
i feel like im constantly being punished...as if I was Hitler in my past life...
I miss my family,wish I could call my dad n just cry to him "y cant you be rich?y does money matter so much?y cant passion matter just as much?"
im sorry I didn't live up to my part of the deal when he agreed to pay half the price of the keyboard..i was supposed to study...I guess he agreed coz he felt bad that he couldn't afford to let me do what I want...n I feel bad that he feels bad...
what I want the most now is to go home....
If I had the dough I wouldn't be stuck doing this shit course...what kinda freak majors in chemistry voluntarily? I don't even know y im trying so hard to prove myself to the world..so what if I don't get into the deans list this time?so what if I cant live up to my golden key membership?so what if my pointer is below 3.00?y do I set such high standards for myself?its not as if im gonna seek employment in this stupid field..WHAT THE HELL M I TRYING TO PROVE?whats wrong with failing?just get up again!its not like anyone gives a damn, im just another future tax payer...another vote..
Y cant I just wash my hands off of all this n just live according to my abilities?i guess its coz,if I did...I wouldn't be much...I'd be nothing actually..coz underneath it all..im just a plain jane...
If only I studied earlier,if only im doing something I like,if only my family were nearer,if only I was closer to god,if only I had brains,if only I weren't so ugly,if only I was amazingly talented,if only I have the guts to quit and admit defeat,if only I didn't have so much pride (yeah,I accuse others without looking into the mirror)...I wouldn't be where I am today;neurotic..
my whole being revolves around what if's...
im such a big,fat baby...im supposed to be the eldest, a tyrant,not a puss...
I could go on and on about how pathetic my life is...n what a retard I am..but then im always reminded by my nagging conscience that if i think im miserable...theres always someone who's had it worse...
Lost a parent, child,not able to go to uni, not able to walk,not able to see,
Starved,abused children, foreign maids, druggies, alcoholics..
Karen,patricia n Anusuya,god bless ur souls...I know u'd give anything just to be alive....n here I m..contemplating suicide....
Im such a selfish pig....
noel,im sorry u had to hear me crapping and overanalyzing things..and all those tears were purely self pity...ur right,maybe I should just study like a guy..when I cant get anymore into my head...hang it...
n im going insane... each time it draws near I turn into an emotional overreacting psychotic zombie... I've decided to give mai yin a break,I don't think she can handle me breakdown in front of her.i don't think I could if someone else would to in front of me... what the hell do I say?
the whole world is against me!y do others always seem to get everything they want n don't have things goin so hard for them?
i feel like im constantly being punished...as if I was Hitler in my past life...
I miss my family,wish I could call my dad n just cry to him "y cant you be rich?y does money matter so much?y cant passion matter just as much?"
im sorry I didn't live up to my part of the deal when he agreed to pay half the price of the keyboard..i was supposed to study...I guess he agreed coz he felt bad that he couldn't afford to let me do what I want...n I feel bad that he feels bad...
what I want the most now is to go home....
If I had the dough I wouldn't be stuck doing this shit course...what kinda freak majors in chemistry voluntarily? I don't even know y im trying so hard to prove myself to the world..so what if I don't get into the deans list this time?so what if I cant live up to my golden key membership?so what if my pointer is below 3.00?y do I set such high standards for myself?its not as if im gonna seek employment in this stupid field..WHAT THE HELL M I TRYING TO PROVE?whats wrong with failing?just get up again!its not like anyone gives a damn, im just another future tax payer...another vote..
Y cant I just wash my hands off of all this n just live according to my abilities?i guess its coz,if I did...I wouldn't be much...I'd be nothing actually..coz underneath it all..im just a plain jane...
If only I studied earlier,if only im doing something I like,if only my family were nearer,if only I was closer to god,if only I had brains,if only I weren't so ugly,if only I was amazingly talented,if only I have the guts to quit and admit defeat,if only I didn't have so much pride (yeah,I accuse others without looking into the mirror)...I wouldn't be where I am today;neurotic..
my whole being revolves around what if's...
im such a big,fat baby...im supposed to be the eldest, a tyrant,not a puss...
I could go on and on about how pathetic my life is...n what a retard I am..but then im always reminded by my nagging conscience that if i think im miserable...theres always someone who's had it worse...
Lost a parent, child,not able to go to uni, not able to walk,not able to see,
Starved,abused children, foreign maids, druggies, alcoholics..
Karen,patricia n Anusuya,god bless ur souls...I know u'd give anything just to be alive....n here I m..contemplating suicide....
Im such a selfish pig....
noel,im sorry u had to hear me crapping and overanalyzing things..and all those tears were purely self pity...ur right,maybe I should just study like a guy..when I cant get anymore into my head...hang it...
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