death

i thought of death today,
of growind old...of my parents growind old and eventually passing on....
brought me to tears it did...ppl tell me i cry too easily..guess they're rite...
i even cried during the High Praise at the Dome, Komtar...how embarassing is that?
but these fears are real...
i keep seeing myself at my mother's funeral...regretting each fight,each argument, regretting not telling her that i appreciated all that she had done for me...
i've got too much of pride to actually pick up the phone n tell them...so im saying it here..
amma n appa...i love you so much...thanks for letting me be me....i dont remember ever telling you personally, but dont for a moment doubt that i care for you...
i wish things would never change...except for the fact that my family are now in sibu n not klang...
it would be nice to go home often...
i wanna stay in the second year forever...
i found a new song to call favourite at the moment..alone again naturally by vonda shepard...it goes something like this...

looking back over the years..
and whatever else that appears,
i remember i cried when my father died
never wishing to hide the tears...

and at 65 years old,
my mother,god rest her soul
couldnt understand
y the only man,
she had ever loved had been taken
leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken
despite encouragement from me
no words were ever spoken

and when she passed away..
i cried n cried all day..
alone again..naturally....

well...back to the books...